I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
