ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
