I'm really into asian looking animals
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
