She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
