He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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