This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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