Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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