I think I died a long time ago.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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