is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Randomize
