Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
