I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
