you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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