I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
