but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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