One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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