He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
