the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
