i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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