So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
