did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
