so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
