how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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