so that wasnt chicken after all
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
