5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
