You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
