drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
