whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
as a side note pls kill me
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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