KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
