tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
