I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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