my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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