Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
