So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
