I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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