Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
