i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
