good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Randomize
