people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
