we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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