You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Can you bring me the toilet please
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
