Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
