I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
