Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
