carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
