Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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