I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Randomize
