The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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