So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
