She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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