I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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