K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize