I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
