i wish peter jackson would direct porn
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
