Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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