Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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