So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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