We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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