I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
