Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
