it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
