I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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