there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
