went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
