i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
