The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
