the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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