haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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