Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I think I won the penis lottery.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
