Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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