make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
