maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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